I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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