My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
