FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
