I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
