I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
ttyl tear gas
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
