I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
