He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
