sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
