So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
