Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
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