god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
