don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
