I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
