That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
