Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
