billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
