I smell stomach acid.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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