just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Enjoy the penises
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
