wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
