How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
