I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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