terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
