remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
