turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
