first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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