dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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