what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
