I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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