I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
