Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
