STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
