All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
