..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
