I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we're making bets on your personal life
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
