I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
