Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
