I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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