I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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