Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
