Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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