The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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