He is an equal opportunity slut.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
