I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
