Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
A+ Viking dick
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
