I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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