I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
