sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
love makes seman taste better
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
