I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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