hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
