too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize