So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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