my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
