did you get engaged???
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
