Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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