i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
