lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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