I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
