Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
