Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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