I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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