In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
